Not this year…

I’m too tired. 

I’m too tired to be angry. 

I’m too tired to “never forget“. 

I’m just emotionally drained. 

For the last 22 years, I’ve had to live with the failure that happened on that day. It’s my job. The only people that have had it worse than I have are those who lost loved ones on that terrible day, and those who served our country in uniform during that time and spent months away from their families... either to defend our country from another attack or having to go halfway across the world to confront those responsible.

But the last 3 1/2 years have drained me to a breaking point. I need to rest. 

Those who planned that day are dead. Their organization is a shell of what it once was. They never launched the next phase… the bigger punch against us (like a dirty bomb) that we feared they were going to.

To be fair, we still keep an eye out. One horrible day is one horrible day too many. 

But seeing the same picture, over and over and over again, and being reminded to never forget… 

You don’t have your own personal picture of those buildings before they fell? You haven’t taken a picture of the spotlight beams going up into the sky where the buildings once stood? You haven’t gone to New York or PA and visited at least one of the Memorials? 

I remember the day I visited the towers. It was a cold March day. We had to take multiple elevators just to get up to the observation deck on the 107th floor. I remember trying to go up to the rooftop, but it was closed off. I took picture facing South, East, & North. It was a wonderful memory.

That horrible day made me find the pictures of the wonderful day. I’ve posted the memory of the wonderful day over the years as a counterbalance… a positive remembrance.

But I also remember how we got to that horrible day. That horrible day did not happen as an isolated moment.

I remember those we lost in Mogadishu.

I remember those we lost in the Khobar Towers.

I remember those we lost in Kenya & Tanzania.

I remember those we lost aboard the USS Cole.

I remember Madrid & London which happened after.

I remember the day we finally removed the mastermind of all of it… and the day we removed the other one.

I choose to “Remember”… what the buildings once were & who the people we lost on that day were… & not to “Never Forget” the pain & anger I felt on that day. 

I haven’t had a good night sleep in a long time. For too long, I was driven by what I was seeing on the “news”. And it made me angry… as it was designed to do. No more. It’s too much.

Not this year… not after I lost both my parents. Not after I have lost dear friends. 

If you want to be angry at me because my words hit too close, it’s your prerogative… but know that I’m not the real reason you are angry.

Maybe we all need to get 50 miles outside our comfort zones. Maybe we need to close our mouths & open our ears & hearts again to hear our neighbors, coworkers, & friends. Maybe we need to celebrate even the little happy moments more… moments that truly unite us. Because happiness rejuvenates us. Joy is a powerful force.

Reliving the same pain over & over won’t move us forward. 

Never forget? How about Remembering those we lost on that day & strive to be better people in their memory? How about just showing kindness again? That is when we are at our best.

But for now… maybe I can catch up on sleep. I’m just too tired. Not. This. Year.