(Note: The following conversation between President Obama and Vice President Biden is fictional… but it maybe happening now. You never know.)
Pres: Joe, I’m pissed off at the idea that Burger King is merging with Tim Horton’s and moving their HQ to Canada. How dare they try to take advantage of a lower tax rate?
VP: So want do you want to do about it, Mr. President?
Pres: Joe, we have to find an all-American National chain restaurant that cater to progressive politician like ourselves but show the American people that we care about good old American values.
VP: But Mr. President, I wanted to go to Nando’s tonight!
Pres: Joe, this is important! How about we go to Chipotle?
VP: Do you remember the last time we went there how you almost started a national incident by going over the food shield? They told you never to come back! Plus Chipotle is still 2 years away from getting rid of potential GMOs.
Pres: Shoot, you’re right Joe!! How about McDonalds?
VP: With Michelle raging war against obesity & Happy Meals? Plus that clown creeps me out!
Pres: Good point. Chick-Fil-A?
VP: Homophobic.
Pres: KFC?
VP: PETA still hates them for how they kill chickens. You might as well cross Popeye’s off the list as well.
Pres: How about that new Mission BBQ place now opening up across the region?
VP: They support the police, fire fighters, and the military. Might not be a good look supporting police during the Ferguson crisis. Plus, BBQ isn’t exactly healthy eating…
Pres: Man, that takes out Red, Hot, & Blue and Famous Dave’s as well! What about Arby’s?
VP: Have you seen their new ads basically supporting gobs of meat?
Pres: I know, Denny’s!
VP: They refused serving African-Americans many years ago. Might as well go to Cracker Barrel or Bob Evans if you want to piss off your base.
Pres: How about a Pizza? Papa John’s?
VP: Do you remember how Papa John fought you over Obamacare?
Pres: I guess that also eliminates Pizza Hut, Olive Garden, Red Lobster, and Longhorn Steakhouse as well.
VP: Heck, any similar chain restaurant from Applebee’s and IHOP to Chili’s to the Outback chain and even Friday’s can be eliminated!
Pres: Joe’s Crab Shack?
VP: This close to a seafood-loving state like Maryland? That’s heresy!
Pres: Wendy’s?
VP: Dave Thomas—fat guy!
Pres: Hardee’s? Waffle House?
VP: Too redneck-y!
Pres: Golden Corral?
VP: Have you seen the reports of their unsanitary conditions?
Pres: Taco Bell?
VP: Here a hint… The beef isn’t exactly beef.
Pres: Buffalo Wild Wings?
VP: Too many TVs! Not green enough for my tastes.
Pres: Five Guys?
VP: Peanut allergies.
Pres: Subway? It’s healthy…
VP: Their bread isn’t.
Pres: Ruth’s Chris?
VP: Too rich!
Pres: Steak ‘n Shake?
VP: Do you see a Steak ‘n Shake anywhere near here, Mr. President?
Pres: Perkins?
VP: Nothing good can come from a visit there. Ask Tiger.
Pres: Friendly’s?
VP: Will you be serious, Mr. President!!
Pres: Well, shoot Joe, there really isn’t a place we can go as progressive politicians but show we can support an all-American restaurant!
VP: (thinks about it for a second) Well, there is ONE place we could go. I hear Teddy (Kennedy) loved it!
Pres: Really? What?
VP: Nah, it might not be a good idea…
Pres: Joe, I’m desperate here. I’ll take anything.
VP: All right, but I don’t like suggesting it. Hooters.
Pres: HOOTERS?
VP: Yes, Mr. President. Hooters.
Pres: (thinks for a moment) Screw it, I’m hungry for some wings anyways. Let’s go, Joe!
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