Six years ago, I lost a close friend to suicide. Justin Ellis, who was my
best friend from 5th Grade at WC Britt Elementary through Middle School and into
High School succumbed to the demons that had haunted him for most of his life.
He was just 37 at the time of his death.
I blogged at the time that maybe I thought I could reach out to him if I knew
he was in trouble. I wanted to believe I could make a difference. But in the
years since, I have come to the realization that no matter what I thought I
could have done, I was not in a position to save Justin. Not me, not his
sister, not his true love. As much as I thought I could have tried, if Justin
had made the decision to go through with things, I could not have prevented his
tragic ending. Justin had to be the one to ask for help. And sometime people
are stubborn to ask for help. I should know.
Sadly, another classmate has followed Justin’s path. Unlike Justin, this
classmate had a great supporting group of friends and family. This person was
one of our brightest lights. There was no way I thought this person could take
their own life. No way, no how… And yet, here we are mourning a classmate gone
too soon, again.
This classmates’ closest friends and family are devastated. Some knew
depression was in her heart and wanted to help. Some knew she was hurting and
tried to reach out. I am sure there are some guilty feelings out there in the
Comet Community and some soul-searching.
It’s OK to think that you could have stopped this from happening. But please
do not beat yourselves up over what you could have done differently. You did
what you thought was best at the time. It hurts, I know. The only thing I can tell you is
to remember the good about her. There was much good in her. We all knew
that.
This passing is going to hurt for a long time, especially to those closest to
her. The pain will show itself in unexpected ways at unexpected times. I
suspect her family will never completely get over the pain. I know a close
friend who lost her father to suicide some 20 years ago. She is still not over
it, and she’s a pastor.
I know some of you want to help her family out and that is good. But please
take some time to help yourselves in this time of pain. Grieve, shed tears,
remember. Trying to work through it only bottles up the pain you are feeling
and it will come out at inopportune moments. Grieving doesn’t mean you are
weak. It means that your friend/family member mattered to you. It means you
are human and have a heart and care. Do not worry what others think. If you
need to cry, cry. If you need to get angry, do it. If you need to talk, talk.
Whatever helps you to mourn. Then, when you are ready, comfort those who need
help to mourn.
There will come a time when we pick up the pieces and continue on with life.
But for now, let us show love for one another. Maybe it’s time we stopped worrying
about settling scores and winning at all costs. Maybe it’s time we start acting
like a community of friends again. Maybe turn off the voices of people who
shouldn’t matter and who think of you as nothing more than a rating’s number.
Listen to some music. Meet friends for dinner to talk. We could
use a little more picking each other up and less tearing each other apart. The
judgmental attitudes can wait for another time. It’s time to
heal our broken hearts… again.
